twenty-three things for turning twenty-three

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Excuse the excited subtitle, but in case you didn’t know IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! 18th November 2024 is when I’ll turn twenty-three. This year has been a wild one so I want to take some time to reflect. Here are some things I want to share, some I have learnt and some I still need to learn.

1. It’s okay to look after yourself and to put yourself first. I feel hypocritical starting this list with this; maybe my frontal lobe developed overnight or something, but I said what I said and I’m not taking it back. It’s something I need to work on for my current self and for younger me.

2. Things will get worse but it’s okay, I’m still here. End of May to July were some of the hardest months in my life. I wasn’t a good person and I’m still trying to heal. I centred my self worth on improvement and when I relapsed, my mental health declined also. Things get hard and they will, but there will eventually be light at the end of the tunnel. It may not seem like it’s there, but it is - I promise! I created a mantra: if the horrors persist, then so will I. I will get through this.

3. Treat hospitality workers with respect. We are often lower class, working class people and yes, we find community in these spaces (with our colleagues and with our favourite regular customers) but that doesn’t mean you can make me feel like shit just because I’m making you a coffee. I’m a barista, not a maid. I will say it again: treat hospitality workers with respect, we make your food after all (I’m sure we’ve all seen the clip of Ryan Reynolds in that one movie).

4. Do the things younger you couldn’t do or was told they couldn’t. I’m going to see a theatre production of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe because younger me ADORED the films.

5. READ READ READ!!!! Please I’m begging! I know school made us all associate books with negativity because of how much they pounded revision into us, but please read! In a time where media literacy is growing importance, being able to sort the facts, from fiction from propaganda is a skill that benefits everyone! If you want a place to start A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers is the first in a novella duology about a tea monk

6. Be critical of the media you consume! Even if it’s just a novel, you need to question it! Certain people on BookTok are slammed just because they were being critical of their beloved C*lleen H*overs. Ignore their outlandish cries of hysteria and be critical of everything.

7. Phone your loved ones! Just do it. I don’t call my parents, sister and extended family enough. Make sure you tell them you love them too. Life is too short.

8. Do some form of exercise. Another one I feel hypocritical for mentioning. My partner told me it would help me with my problems and it turns out he was right! I used to do taekwondo as a kid and I miss being that physically fit. Of course, I was a kid at the time and my body has evolved since but even if it’s just for ten minutes. This brings us on quite nicely to my next point…

9. Touch some grass. Anytime I see those words, it echoes of COVID and the numerous lockdowns we in the UK got through. Special shout out to my parents who took my out of the house to go walking up the nearby hill or round the block to walk the dog where I used to talk their ears off for the twenty to thirty minutes about whatever novel I was writing.

10. If you have eczema, try switching to oat milk. It helped me a lot!

11. Sometimes to get to where you want to be, you need to take more steps than you think. I didn’t realise until literally yesterday that I’ve been burning myself out by trying to leave hospitality by getting a digital marketing job all in one step. Take little steps because you might just get there quicker.

12. Cut down on brainrot social media. I deleted TikTok earlier this year and I haven’t looked back since. I just have Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Goodreads. Although I’m thinking about redownloading TikTok so I can post on it rather than consume. If I do redownload, I will be turning notifications off so I’m not pested by their constant live notifications of people I don’t follow or care about. I haven’t decided if I want to descend into that Hell hole.

13. Tell your friends you love them. I’m at a point in my life where we have graduated and we’re all trying to put plans into motion. I love you all so much and I am scared of losing you all. You are my support, my community and I would not be the person I am today without you all.

14. If you (like me) stress eat, try swapping to things with natural sugars. For some reason, my brain is wired to think fruit is a spring and summer thing. It’s not. Pomegranates and cranberries and grapes are in season in autumn and winter. I had a pomegranate for the first time in years the other day and let me tell you! I will be getting them more often!

15. Community is dying, so make your own. We’re constantly looking at our phones and not engaging with the physicality of humans. When there is nothing left, community will be the thing holding us all together. I guarantee it.

16. Be conscious of what you’re consuming. Don’t let algorithms feed you, make sure you consume things of substance.

17. But at the same time, read/watch the classics. I swore classic literature off for the whole three years of my undergrad. Why? Because I (wrongfully) thought they were all racist and misogynistic crap. And also because I was forced to consume them (academia has the habit of doing that). Some of them are racist, misogynistic and just plain bad, don’t get me wrong; they are products of their time and we can learn from them.

18. Astrology is a funny way of weeding out the bad fishes in the dating pool. Now I’m not saying I want a partner who is fully into horoscopes, I’m just saying is the next time you’re on a date with someone, watch their reaction. If they swear horoscopes off as some weird girl shit based in conspiracy, they ain’t the one for you. But if they are critical, maybe they say aren’t into it, or hear you out — yes, it’s the bare minimum! But it’s not nothing.

19. Try new things, particularly food! Khao soi (ข้าวซอย) is amazing. Curried broth (not spicy) made with coconut milk and contains noodles, chicken and sliced shallots or onion. It’s pretty simple to make and the pay off is amazing!

20. Have that sweet treat. You deserve it, really! I promise! You may not have “accomplished” anything today, but in fact you have! You are still alive and I am proud of you.

21. It’s okay to block and remove people from social media; I encourage it. I did this a couple of months ago: I was sick and tired of seeing people from school on my feed. I went through my Instagram following and followers and culled about 400 accounts. Followers are just a number; growing up, I thought I would be less lonely if I had more Instagram followers. I was wrong.

22. Seek help when you need it, and try not to be so hard on yourself. Going back to the self care, it took me a while to admit I need help with things. Life is hard and it’s okay to accept help. This is one I am still trying to get down.

23. Last but not least, be the change you want to see in the world. Society is full of hatred and it feels like the media is pushing this down our throats constantly. Check in on your friends. Buy that homeless man who sits outside of McDonalds a drink. Smile at people if you connect eyes passing by. The little things matter too.